Archive for addiction humor

A Toast to Brenda Miller

Posted in favorites with tags , , , on June 13, 2011 by The Editors


At the beginning of Brenda Miller’s essay, “Our Daily Toast,” she sums it up:

Okay, I admit it: I have an unhealthy preoccupation with toast. Do I eat toast socially? Yes. Do I eat toast when alone? Yes. Do I lie about my toast consumption? Yes. Do I hide the evidence of toast consumption? Yes, Yes. Do I make up lame excuses for toast consumption? Why yes, yes I do.

Miller won the coveted Pushcart Prize for this essay, and we think it well deserved. We’d also like to point out that though some may say that this essay is a reflection the author’s relationships as viewed through the lens of toast, it might also be said more plainly (sans nuts, spices, fancy grains, or fats) that this essay is an examination of the author’s decades long addiction to toast.

Not that there is anything wrong with that. Plenty of people, present company included, do battle with this particular addiction day in and day out. In fact, we would venture to say that a day without toast is like a day without sunshine. Never mind we don’t actually see much of the sun in the Pacific Northwest. We still know if it’s there or not. So, don’t mess with our toast.

Honestly, though, Junk loves this piece, which extols the many and varied virtues of toast, and invites the reader to consider their own life spent in the grainy company of the toasted loaf. We’re happy to bite, and we hope you’ll nosh along.

Read Brenda Miller’s “Our Daily Toast.”

In Celebration of the Unsung Hero of 12-Step Recovery

Posted in humor with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 27, 2010 by Tim Elhajj

Alcoholics Anonymous celebrated the 75th anniversary of its 12-Step recovery program earlier this summer with no mention of the true hero of 12-Step recovery. Despite the program’s requirement for anonymity, AAs two co-founders are fairly well-known: Bill Wilson, a dowdy stock broker from Manhattan, and Doctor Bob Smith, a surgeon from Akron, Ohio.

What’s not as well-known is that early on Bob relapsed, went on a tear. The next morning Bill asked Bob if he was ready to try again. Bleary eyed and shaking, the good doctor agreed to give it another go. But he had to be in the operating room that very morning, so Bill gave him two brown bottles of beer to steady his nerves.

And so the true anonymous hero of recovering people everywhere is that patient, whose name has been lost to time. He lay face down on the operating room table. Whoever you were, nameless patient, wherever you are, recovering people from all over the world ought to thank you. A toast—of sparkling cider perhaps?

As Dr. Bob was a proctologist, we all know whose ass was really on the line.

Texan Goes Fishing One Morning

Posted in humor with tags , , , , on March 5, 2010 by Editors

Texan finally gets around to going fishing one morning.  

After a while, he runs out of worms. He spots a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth and frogs are good bass bait. He knows the snake can’t bite him with the frog in his mouth, so he reaches down, grabs him behind the head, takes the frog and puts it in his bait bucket.

Now the dilemma is how to release the snake without getting bit. 

He grabs his bottle of Jack Daniels and pours a little whiskey in the snake’s mouth. The snake’s eyes roll back, and he goes limp. Texan releases him into the lake without incident and carries on with his fishing, using the frog as bait.

A little bit later, Texan feels a nudge on his foot. Looking down, he sees the damn snake again, this time with two frogs in his mouth!

Got a better joke? Send it here: dope (at) junlit (dot) com. Here on the blog, we’ll publish anything that makes us smile.

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